torn.

today was an interesting day. bitter-sweet.
sometimes i don't like discovering things. ugh. i'm trying to be vague...but its hard to be honest when you are vague.

*ahem.
so today i realized a lot of things about people...and about myself. i get hurt easy. i am hypersensitive...and i feel let down a lot. i feel like i truly give myself to people, in friendship, in relationships.. if i'm in i'm in, if i'm not.. i get out.
i think it is a hard realization when many of the people you pour yourself into, very frequently, undoubtedly let you down. its sad. it hurts.
on the other hand, there are people who give and give. who love unconditionally. who are loyal, humble, loving... are there when you need them to be. like a true friend should be.
so today i was a bit torn. hurt. but happy. i allowed myself to feel let down, but just for a moment. i didn't want to allow that to overshadow all the love, and good relationships that filled my home. so today i am thankful for those....

i've heard the quote "don't make someone a priority, when to them you are only an option" many times. the truth is, i still make people a priority even when i know i am not a priority to them. even if they are not a good friend to me, i will still be a good friend to them. i guess it is something i don't understand, and i don't want to...because as long as i don't understand it, i won't be it.

the biggest and most important friend to me is my husband. today he listened, he extinguished fires in my heart, he encouraged me, loved me, was strong, was gentle... was everything i needed him to be.

so today i am a thankful woman. thankful for good friends. beautiful children. and the time i get to spend with them.