I noticed a couple years ago that when certain holidays approached, I would start getting anxious, agitated, moody...annoyed.
Doesn't seem like a normal reaction to a holiday that is suppose to be about celebration, love....family.
I realize now why I am that way. Holidays are connected to memories, childhood..and again... family.
Although I wish I could say everyone had a good childhood, a good relationship with their parents and fond memories to look back on, I know that-that is not the case.
I know that I'm not the only one that has mixed feelings about holidays.
I think holiday's put a magnifying glass on what was and how things are. The mixture of seeing people who do enjoy these holidays with a fondness and the realization of where you are.. isn't always so pleasant. Simple fundamentals of those relationships like love, support and encouragement sometimes are a hard reality to swallow.
I remember a couple of years back looking for a Father's day card, as I do every year and going through row after row of cards that said things like "you're the best dad ever" or "you have taught me so many things" or "from daddy's little princess" I was so annoyed that there wasn't just a blank card that said "Happy Father's Day". Like every other year I left the store feeling frustrated and mad at card companies for being so insensitive. HAHAHA!! geez, not everyone has a freakin awesome relationship full of butterflies and rainbows!
but in all this pouting and throwing tantrums inside myself pacing up and down card aisles I realized that I need to change.
I'm not a kid anymore. Now I'm a mom, a wife...a grown up. I need to change how I think about holidays and change the memory of them. For me AND for MY family. I don't want my kids to remember holidays as the days mom is super moody... or when we didn't do enough because she didn't seem happy. Mother's day has a new meaning for me now. As does Christmas, birthdays, Father's day and any other day that is cause for celebration. Now I get to celebrate my family and what those days mean to us. My life is filled with love, support, encouragement and so much more from this little family we have created. So I have cause to celebrate. Celebrate having the privilege to hear my kids call me mom. Having a husband that encourages me, supports me and uplifts me.
So I am making a conscious effort to change how I think and enjoy what is.
So if you have mixed feelings. whether its from past memories, experiences, relationships, or maybe your loved ones are no longer with you and it is a reminder of that... try to change the way you approach, enjoy and celebrate. I know that it is hard and you have to make a conscious effort... but maybe we can try together.
Happy Mother's Day :)
Sometimes being a grown up sucks. This was a beautifully written post. Good for you for realizing this in yourself. I can relate.
ReplyDeleteIf it helps, I feel this way about Mother's Day sometimes. This was my first actual Mother's day, my son is six months old. But looking at this from the perspective of getting a card for my mother is amixed bag of emotions. I don't mind a gift, because she is my mother and I do care, but some of these cards do not share my sentiment. While I care about her, my mother is not my best friend, she is not like a sister, she is the the "Best" mom in the world and all the other glorious attributes that they love to dish out this time of year. My mom tried her best most of the time and she did provide for us, but we also suffered greatly due to some of her careless choices. There is a small window in my memory bank, where I could say, "I want to be like my Mom when I grow up" but it is a short lived memory masked with many years of What Not To Do as a parent.
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