Friday, January 2, 2015

Nothing is Truly Mine: Life with Toddlers

I write this with frustration, love and ironically... Let It Go playing in the background.

I have learned over the years that as a mom, nothing is mine...and any time I try to make something sacred... it will get met with a Sharpie, peanut butter covered little giggle.

the week after I bought my dream fridge (with a  water dispenser... so fancy, I know!)
It was covered in Sharpie. Yep, Easter morning about to head out the door to church, I hear a "MOM!!! Evie drew on the fridge!!" I couldn't even look. So we closed the front door and went to church in silence. 

This is after every possible cleaner met my fridge... *sigh
Then it was the sheets I had just washed, and then the fireplace so newly painted it was still tacky. 
Yep, nothing is really mine anymore.
Every squished lipstick, finger dug eyeshadow, missing earring, scuffed up highheel reminds me of this. Daily reminds me...that things don't matter, that my kids matter, and things are just things. 

Sometimes I don't know if I should laugh or cry, and I often do both. At the same time.
Laugh and cry... because really, what else can you do? 
I have given up my 'right' to have anything sacred.....
and then this morning, after repeatedly telling my kids the last couple of months "please don't step, sit, jump, hit mom's computer!"
it is cracked. Yup. a nice hairline fracture down my mouse pad. *sigh breathe mom, BREATHE.
Trying so hard not to let it get the best of me.
I woke up this morning saying "I am going to have a new attitude"!!
I pumped up the worship music and was delightfully cleaning the kitchen. 
I heard the little email alert and went to check my computer... and yep. slap in the face to my new attitude.
I seriously started sweating, breathing heavy and had to stop myself from crying. (aunt flow's return is also imminent which doesn't help)

Then as I'm white knuckle gripping the kitchen counter, this little face pops around the corner and says "I wuv you so much mom, i just wuv you!!

Meltdown averted, and I am reminded again and again. Things are just things. Some are big things, some are expensive things, but they are just things. In the end, my kids are more important and I don't ever want them to feel like mom cared more about the fridge/computer/every single necklace more than she cared about me. 
It's a phase.... one day I will laugh at it.

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